How To Honor Your Parents & Why
We’re going to look at what is expected under ideal circumstances... and why. Also, we’ll look at what might be expected under less than ideal circumstances, even rotten circumstances… and why.
If one’s parents are among those who live according to the principles of Godly living and we get along well with them, the idea of honor toward parents is more straight forward.
When we are young we should obey our parents and pay attention to their instruction and discipline. Later, when we are older, we leave and set up our own household. We then make our own choices and are responsible for those choices. When we marry and have children we then assume the role of parents ourselves. But that does not mean we have no further responsibilities toward our own parents.
If our parents become incapable of taking care of themselves through sickness, disability, or the natural decline of old age, we should help and assist them.
Whether we are young or old we should never strike our parents in anger or frustration. We should not speak harshly to them. We should not speak about them to others in a manner that is hateful, dismissive, or demeaning.
An affectionate, harmonious relationship with your parents certainly makes following God’s command to show honor to parents seem a lot more natural. However, it still requires self control and sacrifice even when you both share the same faith towards God.
Related Scriptures:
- Do obey them – Colossians 3:20, Ephesians 6:1-2
- Do submit to their discipline – Hebrews 12:9, Proverbs 13:1
- Do provide for them – 1 Timothy 5:4, Matthew 15:3-7
- Do Not strike or verbally abuse them – Matthew 15:3-7, Exodus 21:15,17
Note: some people point to this as an example of the impracticality and harshness of the scriptures: “if you try to follow this literally every child would end up dead”. How among us has not violated this command in some form as children?
Exodus 22:18-21
- this is not a punishment for a single infraction rather it is for one who is habitually disobedient.
- the parents do not take such action into their own hands… they submit the charge to the legal authorities of the community. In that way the act could not be one based on emotion or momentary rage, rather it would have to be a deliberate decision based on evidence.
- the parents fulfill the role of the 2 witnesses who bring the evidence forward. By law a person who was ever found to be a false witness would bring upon themselves the very punishment they sought to bring upon the accused.
- Both parents would have to agree that this was the only course of action
- By the laws of witnessing in a court case if the parents were ever found to be lying they would be the ones put to death instead of their child
- As the accusing witness(es) the parent would have to cast the first stone only then would the rest of the community also cast their stones. This would be highly emotionally painful and culturally shaming. It would not be an action lightly taken.
-
However, God views habitual disobedience towards parents to be a form of cultural rot that should be cut out of the community like a cancer.
Romans 1:29, 1 Timothy 3:2
Clearly honoring your mother and father is a big deal to God. The instructions and consequences we have just gone through are based on a scenario involving parents who are themselves leading godly lives and who follow God’s instructions.
What About Parents Who Make Bad Choices?
Lots of parents out there do not live godly lives. Even parents who try to live according to God’s way can make terrible mistakes. Some people’s parents are abusive, some are neglectful, some are addicts, selfish, foolish, lazy or unfair. Under such circumstances following God’s command to honor parents can seem strange and difficult to do.
God Wants Us to Respect His Authority
Malachi 1:6 honoring parents is analogous to honoring God [see also Hebrews 12:9, Ephesians 3:14]
God’s command to honor our parents establishes a root concept of respect for, and honor towards authority in what we say and do. All authority whether in heaven or on earth begins and ends with God. For now, we experience this authority as it has been delegated to others both spiritual and human.
The command to honor parents is given to begin teaching us this attitude from our earliest formative years. It is built around the most fundamental and universal of all human relationships… parent and child. In other areas of scripture God expands His expectations regarding our approach to authority such that we also have respect for and show honor to human government, officials, kings, rulers, etc. God requires us to show respect for authority whether the person wielding it is righteous or not.
1 Peter 2:13-18 in the world Hebrews 13:17 in the church [also Romans 13:1-7, 1 Timothy 5:17-18]
God’s program is that we learn to show honor toward fallible and flawed human authority. These situations can be difficult and trying. However, our efforts show Him we can be trusted to respect God’s own authority if and when we are granted eternal life within God’s own family. Challenging and questioning God’s authority disrupts peace and harmony and has no lasting place in eternity.
Showing Honor & Respect in Difficult Situations
A favorite example of showing honor for human authority that is not acting in an honorable manner is David’s dealings with Saul, the king of Israel. For no good reason Saul declared David his enemy, called David an enemy of the state, and tried repeatedly to kill David. Yet, David continued to speak and act with honor and respect towards Saul because of Saul’s position as king of Israel. While he showed respect and honor toward Saul David wisely kept away from the man and removed himself from harm and danger.
Honoring Parents in Difficult Situations
Showing honor and respect does not demand that we subject our self to abuse, violence, or harm. Like the practical example of David mentioned previously you may find that for various reasons you need to practice respect and honor toward your parents from a distance in order to protect yourself emotionally or physically.
As a young person still under your parents control your responsibility to obey your parents does not require you to do anything that is contrary to the express will of God. If you are ever compelled to do anything disobedient to God the responsibility for such actions will be upon your parents not you. Neither should you feel compelled to obey parental instructions that put you in danger, or are exploitive. If you find a way of escape from such situations you should take it.
Be careful you don’t use this as a clever argument to avoid legitimate requests made by parents [refer to Matthew 15: 3-7 Corban etc]
Ezekiel 20:18-19 you do not have to follow your parents in their disobedience toward God.
Healing the Breach Through Forgiveness
When you reach the point of adulthood and have established your own household you may find yourself still struggling with how to show respect and honor towards your parents. Emotional scars may run deep, bad parenting may have left you bitter, or deep divides in respective lifestyles may divide you. The only effective solution begins with forgiveness. Forgive your parents for whatever mistakes they have made. Let go of the condemnation you feel in your heart and mind and leave the matter with God.
Forgiveness does not mean you must agree with or approve of whatever your parents have done, or do. Your forgiveness is not for their benefit… its for yours. Forgiveness means you are willing to put the past behind you and move on to a better future.
You may be able to repair a damaged relationship with your parents through gestures of kindness and a gentle humility. You may find that for your own well being you still need to keep some distance between you and your parents. Restoring an affectionate relationship with parents is a desirable goal but not necessarily the same as showing respect and honor.
You can show honor to your parents by taking care of their needs if they become incapable of taking care of themselves through sickness, injury, or old age.
You also show respect and honor towards your parents by what you do not do. Do not treat your parents harshly. Do not speak of your parents, or speak to your parents, in a manner that is disrespectful, insulting, demeaning, dismissive, or impolite. In this way you will avoid showing contempt for the authority God has delegated to parents.
A Commandment With a Reward Attached
Work to overcome the negative elements of your relationship with your parents and follow God’s command to honor your mother and father. You will be rewarded for it by God your true Father and creator, Ephesians 6:2. With this promise of reward, the 5th command is unique among the 10 commandments God has given us to live by. Honor toward parents is a fundamental principle of God’s way of thought. Respect and honor toward parents leads to more harmonious relationships within human families but most important it will lead to harmony within the eternal family of God.
View this message on YouTube - How to Honor Your Parents
Read this message at our blog 📘
How to Honor Your Parents
Post a Comment